Download a nice, printable copy of this list to post beside your telephone
and put inside the drawer of your bedside table, on your refrigerator,
bathroom mirror and the doorway out, and inside your underpants.


Some Really Bad Choices as Lover

I realize that I may be tempted to chose a damaged or unavailable person to date or fall in love with, probably because they are unavailable or out of my own kindness or codependence. I realize that the prospects of a happy long-term love relation (which is what I say I want) are so low with the following types of people that it would be self-destructive to start dating or stay in a love relation with any of them:

an active addict or alcoholic, or other dysfunctional person who needs but is not in psychotherapy or a 12-step program, or both,
anyone in AA or any other 12-step program with less than a year of continuous sobriety,
anyone who I know (in my heart of hearts) is incapable of or unwilling to love me,
anyone who I know (in my heart of hearts) is not attracted to me sexually,
anyone who I know (in my heart of hearts) I am not attracted to sexually,
anyone living more then 75 miles from me who has no present plan to move here, unless I have a present plan to move there (no long distance relationships),
anyone currently married to (or in a romantic relationship with) someone else, or still living with the "ex-lover,"
anyone who admits that s/he is emotionally unavailable (whether constitutionally, because of a recent breakup, or otherwise),
anyone over 30 who has not previously been in love unless s/he has been recently treated in therapy or 12-Step recovery program,
anyone terminally ill,
anyone chronically and seriously mentally ill, whether hospitalized or not, unless the illness is being satisfactorily treated by therapy or medication or both, as needed,
for someone gay, anyone straight (or not sure s/he's gay, or just "trying it out"),
for someone straight, anyone gay (or not sure s/he's straight, or just "trying it out"),
an immigrant who does not have good prospects of getting legal, long-term resident status,
anyone involved in criminal activity (especially a drug dealer), or
a criminal with more than 1 year yet to serve in prison.

(Add a disaster or two from your personal experience:)

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If I start to feel ANYTHING romantic for ANY of these people, I must STOP seeing them FAST! I may have 10 minutes to bail out after I feel the first warm tendrils of infatuation. Wait any longer than that and I will be hooked and in the relationship until it runs its course. That's the "10-Minute Rule." I can't say that I wasn't warned.


Download a nice, printable copy of this list to post beside your telephone
and put inside the drawer of your bedside table, on your refrigerator,
bathroom mirror and the doorway out, and inside your underpants.

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